Remembering Nicah

I wanted to share the moving experience of Nicah Shaughnessy’s memorial service yesterday. Dave, Kurt and I were among the 150 or so who attended.

I met Nicah on a few occasions; regrettably, I did not spend quality time with this amazing woman.  Her best girlfriends, brother, mom, aunt, daughter and Dan spoke with poise and eloquence about her – really bringing the essence of who she was to light. So many times it was tough to get the words out – the grief was overbearing. But, each person soldiered through. They wanted to share their memories out of love even though their pain was palpable. Dan impressed us all with his stiff upper lip and heartfelt sentiment. He even shared a letter Nicah wrote to him months ago with instructions to keep it sealed until her death.

Amarah, Nicah’s daughter stood in front of the group with two friends by her side. She wrote a letter to her mom that she read to us. It told the story of a spontaneous selfless person dedicated to her family and friends – always positive and worried about others even in her final days. Amarah is an aspiring writer, which was evident in her words, each one chosen carefully, attempting to capture a glimmer of Nicah’s charisma. She succeeded.

Amarah also created three picture montages set to music. First, a stroll through Dan and Nicah’s love affair, then images of Nicah with her closest friends and family set to Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah,” which reduced us all to puddles – last, precious pictures of Nicah from birth to adulthood – her vibrancy jumping off the screen. Leaving us all thinking, “How could this force of nature possibly be extinguished?”  The truth is, her energy was among us – and that was the point; her pain is gone along with her body, but her spirit was like a smiling whisper in our ears. Nicah is okay – and now the hard work comes for those left to live on this earth without her.

At the commencement of the service, we headed outside to release butterflies to the day’s blue skies, symbolizing the freeing of Nicah’s soul from her failing body. We got to spend a few minutes with Dan who smiled and was grateful to see his friends. I hugged him and wondered if he would be able to sleep that night and hoped she would come to him in his dreams.

A lot was spoken of Nicah’s legacy; she said to her pastor, “I haven’t done anything great.” Clearly that notion could not be more untrue.  She leaves a legacy of love with a sea of broken hearts in its wake – in time the hurt will ebb and there will be more smiles than tears.

Clearly, Nicah was a gift to all who knew her. It was a privilege to be included in the celebration of her life.  In death she touched me with her legacy. Today, I aspire to be more thankful for the smallest of life’s gifts, embrace spontaneity and laugh (a lot) – just like her .

Thank you Nicah.